Tuesday, January 15, 2013

How to Get What You Want

Recently I had a session with a young woman who wanted marriage and children. Her boyfriend was a great friend, a good lover, and a strong supporter of her business. But he wasn't interested in marriage and children.
Naturally she was using her coaching tools to sweeten her relationship. But she was also trying to use her yielding skills to push her own agenda. I pointed out that coaching tools only work when people are eagerly pursuing the same goal.
Somehow she didn't hear that. As she pressed her agenda, her friend revolted. He began to press his own agenda to make her accept his perspective. Then he attacked the coaching profession as "manipulative brainwashing".
Well, you can understand why men are sensitive to manipulation. For centuries they have been pressed into military service and into dreadfully boring careers.
My client swiftly saw her mistake. But now she has a difficult road ahead to rebuild the trust in her friendship. Like Humpty Dumpty, some things can't be put together again.
When a woman wants a child, she needs a man who eagerly desires children and who looks forward to the role of a father and provider. So I recommended that she work on what had been spoiled. Salvage the connection. Enjoy that man for what he is. And continue recruiting for a player that shares her goals and aspirations.
As for me, I have absolutely no time to waste, so I use every available moment cultivating connections with people who are playing the same game as me. The world is full of people who share my aims. They may not live in my village, but that's why God invented airplanes, internet and skype.